I'll look after you...

July 25, 2008

Hello, dear ones. So I wrote this thing just now, that is really from the depths of my heart. It's very personal and I was hesitant to post it, but then I thought of those who might benefit from my openness. So, here it is. I hope that those in need are encouraged.

Oh dear sweet Jesus, You have pursued my heart my entire life, softly calling, ever loving, strong in tenderness. When I have run away in fear, You have spoken words of love, words that call me back to Your heart and calm my fears. You ever invite me to see that You're full of love and care for me, to see that Your heart is so good. How I long to drink so deeply from Your heart. Fill me with You, Beloved of my soul. Take my hand as I turn away. Let Me lift up your face, You say. Let Me lift up your face. There is hurt that makes me just want to run, and a fear, an insecurity in this ever gaping wound, this gnawing place. Would You speak into this? Touch it, Lord. Heal it and make me clean. I don’t want to run away anymore. I want to be ever more in love with You - You, dear Lord. Sometimes I feel like a mess, just falling apart, falling to pieces. And I wonder if I’ll ever be whole, if I could ever be truly healthy, truly Yours utterly and completely, or if I’ll ever run and in my running never be satisfied because I haven’t turned fully to the only one who could ever satisfy the deepest longings of this lonely heart. But You are so strong. Your heart can take it. Patiently near. Steadfast and faithful. You’ll never leave, never let me go, never fail, never stop loving me with Your everlasting love. You are my life and You breathe life into my soul, into the deepest parts of me and every fiber of my being. Your love is long, Your love is wide, Your love is deep, Your love is so very very high. Beloved, meet me here, here in this dimness and here speak Your love to the scared small frail little girl who needs You. I need You, maybe even more than I know. Break me with tenderness. Shatter all the masks, the walls, the idols, and the lies that I cling to and hide behind. Find me here, in the reckless maze of all that I hate. Find me, what is true and what is real, not what I claim or think myself to be and not who every false voice has told me I am. Find me, Lord. And let me know You. All of me for all of You. It’s only when I am in Your arms that I am home. “For what do I have if I don’t have you, Jesus?” You are everything. Oh, You are everything. O Lord, I am oppressed, be my security, the refuge of this tired heart. Rescue me and answer me with Yourself.
And You answer, Lord, You respond to my heart! Why?
Because I love you, You say and in this moment I know that it's true.
My love, I'll look after you...